old enough to know better and young enough to not even care.
queer romantic body positive sex positive pro choice liberal feminist asexual. general hate free zone. my ask is always open.
i'm pretty sure the internet is making me exponentially more stupid.
this blog is (occasionally, without warning) very NSFW.
I AM NOT SPOILER FREE. so there's that.
and i've damn well earned this one: i'm one of those obnoxious blaine stans that your mom warned your about. (i didn't realise demanding equal representation made me obnoxious. but i'm often wrong about these things.)
mostly, this is glee, and the objectification of darren criss and chris colfer. other things you will find: doctor who, buffy the vampire slayer, supernatural, star trek, star wars, and (mostly) queer politics.
Burt Hummel is an inconsistent insomniac. About once a month, he finds himself wide awake in the middle of the night, Carole snoring lightly beside him, and can’t manage to will himself back to sleep.
This is not unusual.
What IS unusual— not exactly rare over the last few months, since Finn and Rachel got back together, but not particularly common, either — is Burt being able to hear the somewhat muffled but still easily identifiable sound of squeaking bed springs. He’s out of bed and heading down the hall to tell them to keep it down (which usually puts a stop to these middle-of-the-night trysts for a few weeks, anyway) when he freezes.
Those are definitely bed squeaks, but they are NOT coming from Finn’s room.
Shit. This just got a lot more complicated.
Burt has known for some time now that Kurt and Blaine are having sex. He’d flat-out asked Kurt once, and Kurt had made an undignified noise but answered honestly, including telling him they use protection every time. So. Burt knows, and he has (mostly) made his peace with the fact that his baby boy isn’t so innocent anymore.
He doesn’t like to interfere with their relationship much, simply because he knows they get enough interference from the rest of the world. He gives them a little more leeway than maybe he should — lets them close the door when they’re alone, doesn’t check on them as often as he does Finn and Rachel, that sort of thing. At the very least, he knows there’s no chance one of them will end up pregnant.
Still, they DO need to keep it down. Burt just doesn’t want to have to tell them, because while Kurt will take it in stride, Blaine will get all earnestly apologetic and embarrassed, and it will be awkward all around for a few days while he tries to be extra respectful to make up for it. Burt HATES when he does that, but there’s no easy way to tell the kid he’s being too polite.
Burt needs a plan.
He creeps back into his bedroom and looks around in the dark, spying his phone sitting on the nightstand, illuminated by the glow of his alarm clock. Perfect.
Text message it is. Maybe they won’t get it until after Blaine has gone home (which he definitely will, because he wasn’t there when Burt went to bed last night, so he wouldn’t dare be there when Burt wakes up in the morning), so some of the awkwardness can be avoided.
But what to say? He doesn’t want to come across as angry, because he isn’t, but he wants them to get the point.
The message he decides upon makes him laugh, so he sends it to both of them and to Carole for good measure, in case he forgets to mention this to her in the morning.
Burt: “The next time I hear you having sex in the middle of the night, Carole and I will make it into a contest. Keep it down, because you WILL lose.”
Just got nominated for the Ice Bucket Challenge.
How do I politely say I’d rather swim with sharks than tip ice water over my head in September?
(Don’t worry. I’ll donate anyway.)
I was tagged by januarium
Rules: just insert your answers to the questions below. tag at least 10 followers
Name: Kim. No need to beat about the bush.
Nickname: I have 100% never been cool enough to earn a nickname. Oh, no. Wait. I am now, intermittently, called Kimmo, Kimbo, Kimmers, and other variations on a reasonably obvious theme. Also, The Oracle.
Birthday: July 31
Sexuality: Gay leaning biromantic ace
Height: 5’10 ish?
Time zone: GMT (well currently BST actually)
What time and date is it there: 8/29 18:51
Average hours of sleep I get each night: 4-6?
OTPs: John/Aeryn, Zhaan/Stark, Kurt/Blaine, Vastra/Jenny, Santana/Blaine (shush), Santana/Rachel (shush), Blaine/Sam (shhh it’s okay), Blaine/Independence, Kara Thrace/Happiness (also, Kara/Me holy shit), Michael Guerin/Maria DeLuca… What I take from this is that I have been wholeheartedly on board a lot of canon ships, and my favs should basically always do one another.
The last thing I Googled was: The phone number for WeBuyAnyCar, because four days from sale was today and I am sans funds.
First word that comes to mind: Discombobulated
What I last said to a family member: ”I forgot to get cider in Waitrose. I didn’t realise you were going to see her today.”
One place that makes me happy and why: Glastonbury Abbey. It’s so calm and peaceful, and I always feel grounded there.
How many blankets I sleep under: A duvet. I don’t know if that’s a British thing? Does anyone really use blankets?
Favourite beverage: Rooibos tea with vanilla.
The last movie I watched in the cinema: Probably X-Men: DOFP
Three things I can’t live without: Phone, laptop, wifi
Something I plan on learning: Knitting, but I’ve been saying that for literally years.
A piece of advice for all my followers: Always believe in yourself.
You have to listen to this song: Habits, by Tove Lo
My blog(s): @vampireisabitstrong and @fyrmaiden (neither of which it will let me tag; the second was for when i was going to separate my fandom existence from my tumblr existence but that didn’t work).
Tagging… moonlitgleek, sprinklejoy, magentanote, flowerfan2, romanceallovertheplace, jaded-idealism, mi-kitamura, castle-of-the-iron-angel, duckfeetinsauce, marshmellowpies (obviously if you don’t want to, you don’t have to!)
So the correct response to the struggle I’m having with the Lauren part of this ficlet project is to give it up for now and go write the Rachel part, which should be relatively easy.
It’s also smutty. Or, y’know. Smutty is relative, given how I skirt around the edges of smutty without actually going there.
So anyway. Lauren is on hold whilst I try to assemble the idea of it into something that’s not just a lumpy ugly mess.
There are major changes afoot at the DVLA which directly affect how my job works. Do you think they’ve communicated anything to the dealer network? Is it fuck.
Civil bloody servants.